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Wednesday, May 7, 2008 10:57 PM

sometimes I kept wondering, why oh why is this happening.

Hi, currently I'm freaking out. Because there's a fucking bug flying aimlessly in my living room(near my computer's table). I do hope it gets out soon, so I won't have to freak out and scream every time it flies near to me. 8 more days to deadline for some kind of assignments, and I haven't even touch on it. I'm feeling so restless and slack-ish these few days. I've been thinking about ditching school every morning. Or should I say, I've been thinking about quiting school. I just find it useless going to school at times, although I have interest in photography, i guess? Somehow, I just lost it half way through. Maybe, because I'm being such an ass in class. Not giving full attention in class, and ignore important informations. I'm such a faggot, I swear. But, reminding myself about mummy's facial reaction when I got this course. Makes me feel so disappointed in myself. She had hopes, and really wanted me to do well in this, because she has been telling me how jealous she was, when her friends was talking about their daughter(s)/son(s) who were qualified into Poly. Sighs. But I'm feeling so helpless, I'm just a slow learner fucker who easily gives up. This is what happens when someone doesn't finishes things they've started. I wish I'm someone better, but how could I make that happen? I don't even have self confidence, plus I'm such a pathetic low self esteem bitch. I don't fulfill my own wishes/promises. Whatever that means, oh. And seriously, I'm hating school for being such an asshole. CA's making a fuss on things, he's not letting me sign this paper that has got to do with our examinations. Yes, I highlighted my hair, what's the big deal yaw? As if, I'm the only one who is having bright dyed hair. Fool, I guess you're just totally blind, or should I say bias! Haha. I fucking dyed my hair BLACK, yes black. Due to examinations, cool or what? Grr. Yet, SOME classmates are just being dorks(if anyone got affected by this statement, too bad okay). Education's important, but why is it so difficult? Fuck life, those up and downs*pulls hair.* Thinking about life makes me think about this phrase my friend use to tell, because I kept bragging that I wanted to end my life, because I was claiming my life's useless, when I know someone is facing more problems than I do. He used to say "even if you die, the world that u always wanted won't come, but the worst will come" At first, I find it's stupid, but later on, I had to admit. It's so fucking true. Alrights, why the fuck am I bragging about past. Nah, forget those. Oh, this feeling. It's haunting me down, and I'm fucking weak. Damn you):



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